Garden Lore

Don’t think I haven’t tried; I have fertilized my crops with a variety of stimulants. I have scattered Hitler’s speeches and most of DuPont’s most expensive chemicals over their stunted growths, but so far all I have to show for my trouble is a small bed of wild marijuana, a sprig of mint, and a dislocation of the trunk muscles that has an excellent change of developing into a full-blown rupture… I only hope that Uncle Sam isn’t relying too heavily on my Victory Crop to sustain the nation through the coming winter.

Groucho Marx, Groucho Marx and other Short Stories and Tall Tales (1993) edited by Robert S. Bader

I have mentioned before the folly of thinking that painting something green will somehow make that object blend better into a predominantly green garden environment. I could not resist photographing this fine example of how wrong that green premise can be. It is at Wisley (the RHS garden) and there were many such ground items painted this garish aqua tone, presumably in an attempt to render them less visible. Charcoal, dear readers. I keep telling you to paint things charcoal if you want them to blend. Or leave them au naturel. Gently rusting metal would have looked less intrusive in this case. If you feel you must go green, at least pick a green from the yellow tones, not the blue toned column to avoid this look.

First published in the Waikato Times and reprinted here with their permission.