I found one of the worst plants I have seen a long time in a Sydney garden centre. Vile, just vile. Variegated bougainvillea. ‘Novelty plants’ say I, sniffily.

The plant retail market has always had a penchant for novelty plants. I am guessing many customers cry, “Oh that is unusual! I must have that!” They are the plants that tend to be one season wonders in retail, although sometimes you may come across a survivor in a garden. Too many of them are variegated forms of a perfectly good original and most of these variegations are chance discoveries rather than the result of a controlled breeding programme. To this day I remember a nasty variegated oleander in Spain – yellow and green foliage with flowers that may have been kindly described as Paris pink when contrasted with dark green foliage but just looked dirty pink against the yellow foliage. There was a new spirea everywhere in the UK on one trip maybe 15 years ago, sporting the same unattractive colour combination. It clearly made a strong impression on me at the time because I have never forgotten how unappealing it was. Similarly, I still rate the Rhododendron ‘President Roosevelt’ as the most hideous rhododendron I have ever seen and we used to specialise in rhododendrons in the nursery.

Gardeners in climates with lower light levels are a great deal more enamoured with variegated plants than we are here because they can light up a bleak scene and add colour. In our bright light, those variegations burn readily, unless they are in deep shade and a green and white (or yellow) leafy plant with brown edges and splotches is not attractive at all.

I am unconvinced anyone needs these variegated bougainvillea and I am pretty sure Australian gardeners will have as many problems with sunburned variegations as we do here in Aotearoa NZ. They have similar clarity of light and very bright sunshine. Mind you, I did a quick search on variegated bougainvillea and I see they are not uncommon and attract some fans around the world with selections which are considerably more awful than these.

I am fond of bougainvilleas but they are not a good long-term option for the faint-hearted. Our one specimen is huge and showy but r a m p a n t. It needs drastic action to restrain it once a year and this is a job that I am glad Zach has taken over because the many thorns are very sharp. Fortunately, it decays quickly so we can prune and thin, stacking the lengths at its base and they rot down to very little over the following year. Ours is so old that it largely holds itself up so at least we don’t need to tie it to a frame.

I like to photograph bougainvilleas around the world because, like jacarandas and poinsettias, they seem to be a universally popular plant in areas where they can be grown. I still think the cerise one we have and the red are the showiest and cleanest. I first saw a pale orange-yellow form in Greece – popular on the isle of Kalymnos from memory, but I can’t find photos of it in my files. I wasn’t sure I liked it much; it looked a bit insipid. We saw triple-grafted plants in a nursery in Bali – three colours on one root-stock and they were an interesting novelty for container growing. I had forgotten it came in white as well until I saw it in the Sydney garden centre last month and all I can think is that yes, it is possible to take a spectacularly showy plant and turn it into the most insipid option of all!